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Love, Courtship and Marriage

By Brian Pepper

In her book, “The Real Home,” Vesta Farnsworth tells a story of Archbishop Ryan who went to a mining district one day to administer confirmation to a class about to enter the Catholic Church. During the service a nervous girl was asked to define what matrimony was. “Oh,” she said, “it is a state of terrible torment which those who enter are compelled to undergo for a time in order to fit them for a better world.” “No, no!” interrupted the assistant, “You are thinking of the definition of purgatory.” “Leave me alone,” said the old bishop smiling. “What do you or I know about it? Maybe she is right.”

Friends, whether married life becomes a blessing or a torment depends upon the persons who enter into that sacred union. I remember the advice of a well known wit. “If you are contemplating marriage don’t...” and then he added, “Until you have heard my advice.”

The Bible gives some very helpful advice to young and old on the matter of marriage. It will be worth our while to take a little time today to see just what it does say.


Where did Marriage come from?

Where did marriage come from? Well, we go back to Genesis and we find the beginning of the world.

Genesis 2:18 says, “And the Lord God said, It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”

God never intended men to be bachelors. Now don’t get me wrong bachelors. Man needs a woman and God saw that need. You will find right through history that behind the great men there was a good woman.

Genesis 2:21 says, “And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh instead thereof.”

This is the first surgical operation that is recorded. God took the rib. God could have made Eve from the dust but he took a bone that is nearest to the heart. God did this to show us that every companion is to be a love partner, a true companion.

God, in making the first home a pattern for all future homes, founded it on love. Yes God took the bone from nearest the heart. Not from the head to be above him nor the feet to be beneath him but from his side to be his equal, a heart companion. And so one good man and one winsome woman were joined together.
 

The Home is a Loving Place

The home is a loving place. If love is not there, then it is not fit to be a living place. When the home is right, things are right almost everywhere.

God said in Genesis 2:24, “A man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife.”

This was given for future generations, for Adam had no father or mother. It was to teach that couples are not to live with their in-laws. There is the principle. One of the great causes of trouble in the home is living with the in-laws. God says, “Don’t do it.”

Newly weds are not to live with their in-laws and that goes for not so newly weds also.

In Genesis 1:28 it says, “And God blessed them, and God said unto them, be fruitful, and multiply.”

God commanded then to fill the earth. In God’s original plan for the world, he ordained that the world be inhabited by sinless beings, that the world be made up of little Edens. But his plan was frustrated by sin. However in the earth made new, this original plan will be fulfilled.


We should Rear Children

God intended that we should rear children. This is one of the great secrets of happily married life. The scriptures (Genesis 3:16) indicated that before sin entered, childbirth was to be painless.

“In sorrow shall thou bring forth children.” It became a thing of pain and sorrow. Conception became much more frequent because of death.

Planned Parenthood is the best if we are to give the children a good start in life. Especially when in these days, the world is so competitive.

In Genesis 3:16 we read, “In sorrow thou shall bring forth children; and thy desire shall be thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.”
 

Man should be a Protector of the Woman

God gave man the position of protector of the woman. When sin came along things became terrible. Man began to treat the women as mere chattels. You can notice it as you read progressively through the Old Testament. You only need to take the Arabs. The woman has no part in their social life whatsoever. She is veiled and concealed having little if any influence. God never intended it to be this way.

In heathen countries we see that men make the women slaves. They are burden bearers, they are bought or sold. Treated like cattle. God never intended that.

Mark 10:8 says, “And they twain shall be one flesh”. Not 3 or 4.

When Christ came he lifted woman up out of her degrading position and put her back into her rightful place.


Wives should submit to their Husbands

In Ephesians 5:22 God says, to wives, “Submit yourselves unto your husbands as unto the Lord.”

God wants us to submit to him because we love him. It is not compulsory, we do not lose our individuality and there is every room for self development.

When we submit to Christ there is development. He is the head of the house and that is another secret of success.
 

Husbands should Love their Wives

He is not to be a dictator. Husbands love your wives. How? Even as Christ loved the church what is that sort of love?

We men are sometimes inclined to be a bit selfish but we have to remember that God asks of us to show a self sacrificing love. This is essential for the proper development of the children and for harmony of the home.
 

Wives should Respect their Husbands

The wife should see that she has to set an example in respecting her husband. In Japan the wives get down on their knees to the husband. I am not suggesting that you do this but if the wife should respect the husband then the children will learn to do the same.

It is true that she may disagree with the husband, but still she should show proper respect.
 

What about Divorce?

What then of divorce? Marriage is called “The sacred bond of matrimony.” It has been formed to protect the home and the children. Someone is hurt when the bond of matrimony is broken. In many cases, the problem is that neither of the parents want the children.

In some courts they have a nurse looking after the children right there on the spot in order that one of the parents might relent and take the children.

The curse of the divorce courts today are the thousands of children that are unwanted by parents. The experts claim that this is the greatest cause of juvenile delinquency. Children of divorces mostly are problem children.

Anyway the question that many ask is: Does God allow divorce?

In Mark 10:6-9 the Pharisees tempted Christ on one occasion regarding this same thing. He answered in this manner, “But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife; and they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together. Let not man put asunder.”

That’s God’s ideal, his perfect plan.


Any there any Grounds for Divorce?

Now if you were to leave it right there you can see that according to the bible you just cannot divorce but God had to modify. But let us turn to some other verses.

Matthew 19:9 says, “And I say unto you, whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication...”

Here is the exception, unfaithfulness, fornication! What is that? It is illicit love or unlicensed sexual relationship. A Christian can obtain a divorce under these circumstances.

Matthew 5:31,32 says, “It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.”

You see, God permits divorce on the ground of unfaithfulness. It is the right thing. But what about the guilty person?

Galatians 5:19 says, “Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness." Verse 21 last part says, "They which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.”

An immoral man will never get to heaven. Unchastity before marriage, that is fornication.

They took a poll at one time of those who had sexual relationships before marriage and the percentage was staggering.
 

The Woman taken in Sin

But there are many who realize that they have done wrong and want to make it right with God and when a person comes to God and asks for forgiveness, God will forgive it. Let me read this marvellous story of the woman taken in sin recorded in John 8.

Jesus was left alone with the woman, all her accusers sneaked off one by one. John 8:7 (later half) records Jesus' words, “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.”

It cut right through their hypocrisy. It tore away their rags of respectability. Jesus turned to the woman and said. Verse 10 says, “Woman, where are those thine accusers? Hath no man condemned thee?” She said, “No man, Lord, And Jesus said unto her, neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.”

That woman became one of the most devoted followers of Christ. She was Mary Magdalene.

Confession, repentance and reformation will bring forgiveness for the sin of adultery.

One may choose divorce for adultery, but that is not necessarily the best way out. It is possible for a partner to be so selfish, so self-righteous, inattentive, unkind and cold in one’s relationship to one’s mate that if one is not strong in God, one can be driven to sin. Divorce on such grounds, we believe, would be unacceptable to God. The other partner would be a sharer in the guilt.
 

Living together before Marriage

But what of a unmarried couple that live together? Should they separate when they determine to serve God? If there are children, the answer would be no. Rather let them be legally joined together.

Sometimes there are cases presented in which there is so much confusion through wrongs that have been committed in the past that it is difficult to advise what to do. In such cases it is necessary to overlook the past and remember when God forgives, he forgets.


Marriage at the Registry Office

Some people ask if it is alright to be married in the registry office. If God hasn’t joined couples together, is the marriage valid? All I can say is this, the reason the state has set up the registry office is to protect the marriage institution. It is based on the Bible.

But the great pity is that the courts today undo the marriage so easily. I would say that there is nothing to take the place of a church wedding. You can expect the blessing of God in the house of God.


Divorce does not bring Happiness

Speaking of divorce once again, it has been proved over and over again that it does not bring happiness: the majority of suicides today are divorcees. Disappointment and bitterness so often follow in the train of divorce.

Many confessions reveal the plaintive cry, “I wouldn’t divorce him now, even if the experience came to me again.”
 

Should Unhappy Couples live together?

So many ask, should unhappy couples live together?

In 1 Corinthians 7:10 it says, “And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband out away his wife.”

Back in those days if the husband became a Christian and the wife remained a pagan it was an awful situation. St Paul says, “Let them dwell together but if the unbelieving partner wants to depart then let him.”

Under such circumstances God believes in separation. God has called us to peace. If we cannot live together in peace then the best thing to do is to separate.

Some people just can’t get on. Then it is better to separate than to keep on quarrelling with each other. So God gives permission to separate.


Causes of Unhappy Marriages

However let us take a look at some of the causes of unhappy marriages.

Over here in 2 Corinthians 6:14 it says, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?”

We should not have mixed marriages. “Be ye not unequally yoked together.” Very often marital unhappiness can be cured by getting rid of the causes. And one of the causes is marrying an unbeliever, or one of an entirely different faith.

Religion goes very deep. In their hearts many a Catholic knows that they should not marry a Protestant. And many a Protestant knows that they too should avoid such a union. It can be the cause of tension in the home. It certainly does not make for marriage happiness.


What about Hasty Marriages?

Then there are those hasty marriages. In Proverbs 21:19 we are told by one who was well qualified to know. “It is better to dwell in the wilderness than a contentious and an angry woman.”

It is not a question of how long you have known the person you are marrying but how well you know them.

Deuteronomy 24:5 says, “When a man hath taken a new wife he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business: but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken.”

God tells us that war marriages are not a good thing for the man is to stay at home to cheer up his wife. By the way war time marriages head the list as far as divorces are concerned. So if war breaks out don’t get married so that your wife can get the insurance. It is not worth it. Stay at home to cheer your wife up.


Spousal Responsibilities

In 1 Timothy 5:8 I read, “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith and is worse than infidel.”

A man must be prepared to shoulder his responsibility. The wife too must recognize that she too has a part to play. Selfishness in the home, especially on the part of the one who provides can be a very real cause of marital unhappiness.

I stayed at a home in New Plymouth on one occasion and to my amazement the man of the house had the kitchen cupboards locked and believe me or not he opened them at each meal and handed out a ration to each member of the family. If what I read in the newspapers is true his son shot him some years later. This may be an extreme case but things like this do happen.


Happy Marriages are Made

Happy marriages are made they just don’t happen. I remember once reading of a couple who were celebrating their diamond wedding anniversary, the reporter asked the old gentleman for the secret of happiness. The old man took him aside and pulled out his watch. Engraved on the back on the inside was this message. “Say something nice to Sarah.”

We can tell our wives that we love them. Don’t wait until they are dead, say something nice while they are still alive.

If there is one thing that can spoil our married life it is accumulation of grievances with one on the giving end and the other on the receiving. As it says in Proverbs 21:19 “It is better to dwell in the wilderness than with an angry woman.”

Again in Ephesians 4:26 it says, “Be ye angry, and sin not:  let not the sun go down upon your wrath.”

In other words don’t let the night come without making things right. Before the night falls don’t go to sleep at night without putting things in order.

A very successful businessman was not having such a wonderful success at home. There was quarrel after quarrel. Things were almost at an end. They had both had about as much as they could stand. Somehow or other this man went to a revival meeting that was being conducted by a famous evangelist. He felt convicted especially as the evangelist was speaking on the home and the need of Christian love there. Well he decided he would try and see if he could make things better in his home. The next morning a quarrel started so the businessman bit his lip instead of flaring up as usual. He said to his wife, “Darling, I love you.” It shocked her. She had not heard anything like this for years. She began to open her mouth again, when he said the second time, “Darling, I love you.” And she was in his arms.

Couples have quarrels but they have to learn to be tolerant.
 

God can help

Now in closing I want to mention two things. You should pray and ask God to help you in your choice of a life partner. God knows your needs better than you do. God gave Adam his wife.

The next thing is to marry a Christian and build a Christian home in which you can pray together for we all have problems and we need to pray together about them and with God’s help you will be able to solve your problems.

May God help us to understand our wives and husbands and children better and to express our love in a spirit of true unselfishness.

 

Sermons

The Bible in Song Sermons category is expected to be enlarged over time as hard copy sermon notes are scanned, typed and edited in webpage format. Visit Sermons Page for the complete list of sermons and Bible Commentaries.
 

 

 

Complete Sermon Collection

Click image for sample. The Complete Sermon Collection is available at the Store Page. It includes 169 sermons which are listed on the Sermons Page, plus several audio visual sermonettes and a number of incomplete sermons. Original typed sermon notes have been scanned in PDF files on a DVD.
 

 

Revelation Bible Commentary

Easy access to all the uploaded Revelation Bible Commentaries written by Brian Pepper. Also a CD of the complete Book of Revelation consisting of 22 PDF files scanned from original typed documents. These files can be downloaded by Adobe Acrobat to view on computer screen, or printed in booklet or other format.
 

 

Sermon Testimonials
 
Thank you for posting some of (Brian Pepper's) sermons. It's like reading the very words Jesus has spoken to me and is a great encouragement. I cannot say that about many Pastors but I can say that about (Pr Pepper). Thank you. Robert @yeshuaskingdom.org (USA) ... more testimonials.
 

 

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